How to Reframe Judgmental Thoughts into Mindful Curious Questions

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How to Reframe Judgmental Thoughts into Mindful Curious Questions

What being a nun taught me about non-judgment and living with curious questions.

Apr 07, 2025

Transcript

Hi y’all,

In the convent, I learned to reflect and pray in stillness.

This mindful quiet was not to escape the world, but to meet it wholeheartedly, in body, mind, and spirit. As nuns, we did not label ourselves or others as good or bad, but we were present to listen deeply, ask thoughtful questions, and respond with love. That way of living meant approaching life less like a courtroom and more like a classroom.

As nuns, instead of condemning our fears and flaws, we learned to observe them, hold them lightly, and ask, “What’s really going on here?” This way of seeing, through the lens of non-judgment and gentle inquiry, continues to shape everything I practice today.

Being a nun taught me this: judgment blocks connection, but curiosity builds it.

Because that voice in your head?

It's probably judging you right now. And the voice of your inner critic is exhausting. I know that because I am a recovering perfectionist.

When we judge ourselves harshly, we create a mental block that prevents growth and steals our peace. We need a way out.

Here's how to reframe judgmental thoughts into mindful, curious questions.

#1. Replace "I should" with "What if I"

"I should be more organized" keeps you stuck in shame. Try "What if I tried a 10-minute reset before bed?" This tiny shift transforms pressure into possibility. Most women make the mistake of believing "should" statements motivate change, when they paralyze us with perfectionism. Remember, “shoulding” on ourselves or others is one of the worst bad habits out there.

#2. Turn criticism into genuine curiosity

Next time you think, "I'm a terrible mom for checking my phone," ask, "I wonder what need I'm trying to meet right now?" Be specific about your feelings without adding judgment. When I stopped berating myself for distraction and got curious instead, I discovered I was craving meaningful conversation after hours of shallow discussions.

#3. Create distance with "I notice I'm thinking"

Your thoughts aren't facts. When "I'm falling behind" pops up, reframe it as "I notice I'm thinking I'm falling behind." This simple prefix creates breathing room between you and the thought. Another tip is to try placing your judgmental thoughts on imaginary leaves floating down a stream – watching them pass rather than diving in after them.

#4. Ask "What's the kindest response?"

When you mess up the presentation or lose your cool with the kids, ask, "What would I say to my best friend in this situation?" We're quick with compassion for others but stingy with ourselves. The next time you beat yourself up, pause and offer yourself the same grace you'd give your closest friend.

That's it.

Here’s what we covered: Reframing Judgmental Thoughts into Curious Questions:

Notice when a judgmental thought arises, like "I should…" or "I'm terrible at…"
Replace it with a curious question: "What if I…?" or "I wonder why…?"
Create distance by reframing the thought as: "I notice I'm thinking…"
Pause and gently ask yourself: "What's the kindest response here?"

Transform judgment into curiosity, and self-criticism into compassion.

Remember, take what you like and leave the rest.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate you being part of the journey.

Have a mindful week, and we’ll see you next time. Thanks.

Denise

Denise Pyles

I'm a former nun who, at midlife, pivoted to corporate life with zero business experience and became an award-winning program manager. I want to help you find stillness in the ball pit bouncy house of life.

Mindfulness begins with tiny steps toward being present. You can start micro-mindfulness right now without adding one more thing to your calendar. Join my newsletter, and I will share simple micro-mindfulness tips every week that you can start today.

In my book Burn Without Burning Out: 7 Micro-Mindfulness Habits for Clear Thinking, Decisive Action, and Recovery from Burnout, I share other skills I learned as a nun. Grab your copy today.